Hi Everyone!
This week we are going to go a bit
deep. Deep into some relationship business. As a divorce mediation attorney, I
would see relationships at the end. Now I have the honor with working with people at the beginning of their relationship. At one point these couples loved each other, saw a future with each other and were
ready to commit their life to each other.
So what changed?
As a mediator looking in on the
relationship and with the experience through my own marriage, I learned some valuable keys to a successful marriage. By cultivating these things at the beginning of our relationship, we are ensured more understanding, compromise and love in our relationships.
So you ask… What
was the most common reason why relationships start to break down?
INABILITY TO COMMUNICATE! It seems simple, I speak and you listen. That’s
how we communicate. My friends, that’s just the tip of the iceberg! We all have different ways we show love, feel
love and communicate. It’s more about understanding what our partner’s communication
technique is so we can adapt our communication techniques and
vice versa.
Before I got married, someone recommended I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I’m telling you, jewelry stores should start selling this book to every guy who buys an engagement ring! When you are planning a wedding, dating and newly engaged it is so easy to get caught up in the emotion and fun of planning a wedding. We forget about the most important thing. Cultivating our relationship! You've probably heard many times that marriage is work. I’m not going to tell you anything different. Marriage is hard work, but it’s the best work you will ever do. To have a successful marriage means having a bond, partnership and unconditional expression of love that is unique to each couple.
"If communication is the key
to marriage, we need to understand our partners love language. The truth is we
all speak different love languages."
Mr. Chapman suggests that there are
five different emotional love languages or five ways that people speak and
understand emotional love. As husband
and wife, it’s important to realize that your spouse may have a different love
language than you. If you are not
speaking their love language, they might not feel loved by you. We tend to
speak our primary love language. The challenge arises when our spouse has a
different love language then us. We tend to become confused when our spouse
does not speak or understand our love language.
Once you identify and learn to
speak your spouse’s primary love language, you have discovered the key to a
long lasting, loving marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but
in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn
a secondary love language. We can’t rely on our love language if our spouse
does not understand it. If we want him/her to feel the love we are trying to
communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.
5 Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation Expressing
love by using words of appreciation, encouragement, compliments and affirming
the other. Speaking kindly to each other without making demands or ultimatum. Tone of voice has a lot to do with how something is heard or perceived.
2. Quality Time: Giving
your undivided attention to someone else. This means focusing on the person,
giving them time and doing things together. Having quality conversations involving real listening.
3. Receiving Gifts: Gift is a
symbol of a thought. If this is your language, people look at the gift and feel that the other person was thinking of me. Gifts
are visual symbols of love. The cost of the gift is irrelevant, it is the
thought behind it that counts. Gifts can be purchased found or made. Intangible
gift of presence. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the
one whose primary love language is receiving gifts.
4. Acts of Service: Doing things you know your spouse will like
you to do. Like cooking, cleaning, mowing the grass etc. They require thought,
planning,.time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are an
expression of love.
5. Physical Touch: Physical touch is a powerful
vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing all
way of communication emotional love to one’s partner.
It’s easy
for us to recognize our own communication language. Usually we are a
combination of one or two. If you want to be certain as to what your love
language is, I’m sure you are asking:
How Can I Find Out My Love Language?
Don’t forget it’s important to discover your
partners love language so make sure you have them take the test as well.
At The Washington, we take such pride helping
you celebrate your wedding day at our facility. Not only do we want your
wedding day to be a success, we want your marriage to be a success as well.
Come Celebrate!
The Washington
Banquet Hall and
Catering
------------------------------------------------------------------------
www.thewashingtoncatering.com
[T] 856.885.6145
[F]
856.885.6329
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